Tuesday, 8 September 2009

Day 18: Limits of Mingling & Tingling

The human nature is such that it cannot really exist in isolation. It must mingle and tingle to evolve, to innovate, to be sane and to be nurtured. Whereas mingling would result in influencing (either you influence or you are influenced), tingling would result in ethics (defining acceptable and unacceptable mores). Both will inadvertently promote creativity, civility and progress. Little wonder then that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said, "He who mixes with people and endures the harm they do is better than he who does not mix with them or endure the harm they do." (Tirmidhi)

Society is composed of several kinds of personalities with various kinds of agenda and directions in life. They could even have different dispositions. While some will always see things half-empty (pessimism), others would have the attitude of half-full (optimism). While some would work for good and progress of community, others would seek to plunder, destroy, and spread hatred and evil. Society is composed of those who are nurtured towards the good and those who are nurtured towards the evil.

Allah has defined the group we should belong to when He says, “Let there arise out of you a band of people inviting to all that is good, enjoining what is right and forbidding what is wrong; they are the ones to attain felicity.” (Qur'an 3 verse 104). Also, “You are the best of peoples evolved for mankind enjoining what is right forbidding what is wrong and believing in Allah....” (Qur'an 3 verse 110)

We must therefore choose carefully when we mingle in society. Surround yourself with people who are truthful and forthright; who are progressive and compassionate; people with whom you share good and complementary influence. According to the Prophet (peace be upon him), "The case of the good companion and the bad companion is like that of the seller of musk and the blower of the bellows (iron-smith). As for the seller of musk, he will either give you some of the musk, or you will purchase some from him, or at least you will come away having experienced its good smell. Whereas the blower of the bellows will either burn your clothing, or at least you will come away having experienced its repugnant smell.” (Bukhari)

The question arises then if a Muslim can have a non-Muslim as a close friend. Yes! Islam has not taught us to segregate ourselves or alienate one another. It does not teach us to segregate community. How would non-Muslims learn from us if they are not close to us? However, we must be clear about which non-Muslim to have as friends and what level of friendship because as the Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “A person is influenced by the religion of his close friend, so beware whom you befriend.” (Tirmidhi) Therefore, we must beware of friends whose secret objective is to draw us into their religion. Those who would desire to convert you cannot be your true friends. Allah warns, “O you who believe! Take not into your intimacy those outside your ranks; they will not fail to corrupt you. They only desire your ruin: rank hatred has already appeared from their mouths; what their hearts conceal is far worse. We have made plain to you the Signs if you have wisdom.” (Qur'an 3 verse 118) You cannot have a non-Muslim as a friend from whom you take religious or spiritual advice. They will sincerely and innocently give you what they would give themselves, but which is not okay for a Muslim.

There are no easy criteria for choosing a friend. Even a Muslim does not automatically qualify to be your friend. You may have a completely opposite world-view. He might be a terribly-weak Muslim. He might be ignorant or even mischievous. The characteristics of the sincere Muslim friends are set out in the Qur'an thus: “And the believers, men and women, are protecting friends one of another; they enjoin the right and forbid the wrong, and they establish worship and they pay the poor-due, and they obey Allah and His messenger. As for these, Allah will have mercy on them. Lo! Allah is Mighty, Wise.” (Qur'an 9 verse 71)

Our friendships do have limits so that you do not encroach on the rights of others. You need the following characteristics to guide your friendship and also enable you to be a true friend. The Rasul (peace be upon him) said: "There are three characteristics; whoever has them will taste the sweetness of faith: first, that Allah and His Messenger are more beloved to him than anyone else; second, that he befriends and stop befriending a person except for the sake of Allah, and that he would hate to revert to unbelief just as he would hate to be thrown into the Fire.” (Bukhari)

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