Indeed, your marriage is (as described by Prophet Muhammad –peace be upon him) “...is half of your faith.” Whether or not you are in Ramadan, you must still work hard to perfect and make a success of this aspect of your faith. In fact, Ramadan started off with the general understanding of early Muslims as a spiritual month where complete abstinence from spouses was strictly observed during the days as well as during the nights of Ramadan. But being weak human, sometimes they let the guard down and secretly test those limits. Allah therefore revealed: “Lawful for you is intimacy with your spouses on the night of the fast. They are your adorning garment and you are adorning garment for them too. Allah is aware that you were deceiving yourselves in this respect and He has turned in mercy toward you and relieved you. So have intimacy with them and seek that which Allah has ordained for you, and eat and drink until ...the dawn. Then strictly observe the fast till nightfall and touch them not... These are the limits imposed by Allah, so approach them not. Thus Allah expounds His revelations to mankind that they may ward off evil.” (Qur'an 3 verse 187)
Marriage is an institution and a great trial. Marriage needs to be constantly worked upon to be successful. You do not delay, postpone or ignore issues in marriage. It must be promptly and properly addressed. You cannot run away from it, you live in it, you live with it and carry your marriage with you wherever you go. Therefore, to think that marital issues will be postponed till the end of Ramadan before properly addressed is to be courting disaster. Therefore, a successful spiritual Ramadan must be the one in which the entire family participated holistically, collectively, lovingly, wholeheartedly and conscientiously. No aspect of our life is discarded and no issues are left to burn unattended. As we guard our fast, so we must guard our marriage and relationships.
Ramadan is a month to renew and affirm our absolute commitment to our relationship be it with Allah, Our Guide the Rasul (peace be upon him), our spouse, our friends, our neighbours and our fellow-worshippers. We need to convince them that we are not just in these relationships to take the benefits and leave the hard-work. Ramadan is the month of action and not mere lip-service.
Taqwah is to be groomed in Ramadan, so must the couple relate with each other with taqwah. You should use the opportunity of Ramadan to grow your taqwah together as much as you can. Yes, you may deeply love your spouse, but say it, act it and re-affirm it even during the days of Ramadan. You are permitted to express loving exchanges. You may even kiss your spouse while fasting if you able to control yourself (newly married cannot be very sure of that, so they are not permitted). Also, you cannot have a happy married life if there is no trust in the relationship. Do not blame the party who has lost trust, do something to regain it. Make vows and pledges to yourselves this Ramadan to be trustworthy and work on it. Get the lesson of discipline and diligence from Ramadan. And the partly who is no longer trusting should learn the lesson of forgiveness and new-beginning from Ramadan.
Our love is not limited to our spouse only, Ramadan teaches love for relatives and family; same with respect. There must be mutual love, understanding and respect between spouses. This respect would further be extended to the in-laws. Respect comes with having good understanding of the other parties. Know them and understand them, and relate with them at their level (the level of their understanding). Understanding is aided by experiences of devotion, commitment and co-operation. Respect their chosen “destiny” or “path”. Disrespect is the tipping point in the disintegration of many marriages.
Communication is the key to all successful marriage. Spend quality time both for iba’dah (worship) to Allah and for the success of your marriage. Use all available communication opportunities and instruments including email and texting. Finally, learn that to succeed in Ramadan, Shaytan has to be kept in chains, for your marriage to work, you must learn to keep Shaytan in check. The prevent Shaytan from causing disunion or discord, conscious and concerted efforts have to be made by both parties in the relationship.
“O ye who believe! ...help one another unto righteousness and pious duty.
Help not one another unto sin and transgression, but have taqwah (keep your duty to Allah).
Lo! Allah is severe in punishment.” Qur'an 5 verse 2
- Contributed by Shamsideen AbuSuad, UK.
Masha'Allah. Beautiful, beautiful write-up. More power to your pen.
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